Raising Kids and Torah

I read an interesting article in the October 1, 2006 New York Times Magazine entitled, "So the Torah Is a Parenting Guide?" The article written by Emily Bazelon discusses the book, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children, by clinical psychologist Wendy Mogel. I was impressed with the article and the wisdom about raising children that Mogel has captured in her book. Mogel writes, "Jewish wisdom holds that our children don't belong to us. They are both a loan and a gift from God, and the gift has strings attached. Our job is to raise our children to leave us. The children's job is to find their own path in life. If they stay carefully protected in the nest of the family, children will become weak and fearful or feel too comfortable to want to leave."

Bazelon summarizes another of Mogel's points which is congruent with cognitive behavioral therapy: "Changed behavior can lead to changed feelings...Based on this principle, Mogel urges parents to press children to contribute at home even if they whine and resist. And she discourages long rational-minded explanations about why a child can't have something she covets...be clear about what your kids are entitled to and stick to it. From rules, kids learn their roles in the household, and from chores they learn practical skills--when they go off to college they will know how to do their laundry. And if your children know that their behavior at home matters, they have an opportunity to feel good about themselves that's not tied to academic success."

To help overinvolved parents keep perspective, Mogel recommends the 20-minute rule. This rule states that parents spend no more than 20 minutes per day "thinking about your child's education or worrying about your child, period."

Some of you might want to check out this book or if you can get a hold of the article, at least peruse that.